On being indecisive yet extremely decisive.

So what’s it like to be indecisive yet extremely decisive?

You decide you don’t like the job you are doing, it isn’t lighting you up. You go there everyday and you ask yourself, “There has to be something more.” Thoughts trickle in… you want change. Right then and there you make your decision—you are leaving in a month. You start to look for a new place to live, a new job, a new home. It’s all so exciting and you have NO clue where you want to live. You can see yourself EVERYWHERE doing EVERYTHING. It all is so exciting and you just cannot make up your mind. You ask others for insights and they all give you something different. You are sitting day after day asking for guidance and your heart is jumping left, right, up, down. You’re finishing up your last few weeks at the job you quit and you think, “I am really going to miss these people and this routine.”  Your mind is a jumbled mess. You are in limbo, where you find yourself more often than not. Then with two days left, BAM! You make up your mind. You are going to move to X, and work at Y. You don’t have a home, nor do you have the job, yet you know it will work out. And it does, effortlessly. People don’t understand your ‘luck’. You don’t believe in luck. It's just how your life works.

Then there are relationships. You like just about everyone. You can see the beauty in others, that’s why it makes it so damn hard to commit. You don’t want to put rules on yourself, for you know how indecision can affect another. When that guy comes along, giving you goose bumps just from being the same room—you know. You have made your decision. You feel connected and all indecision falls to the wind. You want to be with them, hopefully they want to be with you too. You commit to them, they commit to you. Months in, the butterflies begin to fade. Is this the person I love? Indecision once again creeps back into your life. But you were SO sure about him. And you still are, indecision is just ‘playing’ with you, as it often does. No one else is catching your eye. When you love someone, you are loyal and rarely distracted by another. It isn’t the other people you are curious about, it’s your faulty pal indecision. Are you being who you really are? Often, your lover will catch wind of your restless mind. They begin to think it’s something they did. Nope, it’s all me. All of a sudden you make a decision. It’s the middle of the night and you decide. You dreamt of it. Or just woke up with an epiphany. You are either staying or you’re going. It happens quickly. And that is that. No amount of convincing from yourself or another can change your mind. It’s made up.

Then there are the almost relationships. These are often with people we think are so fucking cool but the feelings aren't there. We feel stupid passing them up. Being with them is not fireworks, nor is it a boring black and white film. These people are your friends; you love them, just not like that. You can see their beauty, all inclusive with their good looks and quirks that make you smile. And you enjoy being around them. They may ask you to be their girlfriend, and you will say no. You will spend more and more time with them, and your mind may wander. You may start believe you could date them, you could commit. You feel indecisive. Often times, they will feel that and feel the same way. It’s not a yes, and it’s not a no. Time varying, you make up your mind. Once you make up your mind, there is no changing it. You are so very decisive. 95% of the time you will end things, completely end them (if he doesn’t first). And there’s no going back with these people. You know you are not a romantic match and to back track would be a waste of time and energy. You still love them, and just like you knew before, you don’t love them like that.

And then there is the food indecision. You are craving a specific meal from a specific restaurant and you want it, and you want it now. You convince your friends to go with you and you are so excited you can picture a beautiful meal that will be consumed by you in less than an hour. You get there and sit down. YESSSSSS finally! You look at the menu because that’s what you do at restaurants, and all of a sudden you are unsure. But the tacos look good…. Jumbalaya burrito…. YUMMM. You are struck once again with indecision. Your friends get annoyed and say “seriously!? We came here because you wanted X!” They laugh, because they know you. They know you are stubbornly decisive yet the most indecisive human they have met. You ponder what to order, not really listening to the conversation, it’s background noise. And you order the fucking tacos. You are still unsure. You relax, knowing is all is done. Then the craving… You flag down the waitress and change your order. SERIOUSLY you ask yourself. And then smile. The meal comes and you fulfill your craving and think “how did I almost order something else”.

Yes, these are only a few specific examples. You either think we are lunatics and should make up our damn mind, or relate so intimately you feel you could have written this yourself. Being indecisive yet decisive is a daily ride. You can let it plague you, or you could just go with it. When you go with it, just keep in mind the effects your indecisiveness can have on others. Decisions will always come. This I know. It’s just a matter of patience and being in tune with yourself.

All you decisive indecisive people, you are awesome. And I know you drive yourself crazy. Just know, you make life fun and you are masters at adapting to your decisions. Trust your flow. It’ll end you up in the right place (even if it doesn’t feel like it).