generous love

His oversized hands gently caress my hair

I can’t open my eyes

The sun gleaming through the cracked shades is too bold, too shocking

Sleep permeates my room

I lay there motionless

Maybe he will go back to sleep

Maybe he will love me in that half assed fashion

And will stop touching me and flip over

Hey, he tried to wake me up briefly

And he sweetly continues to run his fingers through my hair

He doesn’t speak

He loves on me

He moves to my arms

Barely skimming their surface

Fingertips touching so lightly

Giving me chills to my bone

I open one eye, bearing to see this sweet thing’s face

He’s smiling

Eyes half open

Kind, large, vulnerable, amber brown

He doesn’t speak

He carefully moves me closer to him

Holding me for the last few minutes before he has to leave our cocoon

He kisses me all over

Tenderly and generously with no words

I know he expects nothing in return

And I’m not used to this

I can smell his skin as he moves around me gently

I relax completely

This is how it feels to be taken care of

I smile, slowly opening my heavy eyes

Good Morning Sweets

I say

And he smiles

Hugging me tighter, softly kissing my cheeks

He knows how to love another

He is beginning to understand how I work

And I am letting him in

Decisions

Don’t shit where you eat they said

What the fuck does that even mean?

We already do shit where we eat

At our damn house

I let all caution hit the wind

WEEEEEEEEEE!

I scream

Running full speed down the familiar hill

Slow down Amanda, slow down

Tell me what to do, I’ll do the opposite

Where did this trait come from?

Where is this defiance originating?

And this time I listen

I hear her, loud and clear

Am I going to listen, take her advice?

If I want to grow, yes.

For it would be boring to repeat the same mistake over and over again

I would always know the outcome

I would fill that familiar script

It’s tempting

I love this feeling

I am a kid again

Curious

Very curious about another

How does he work?

And I am an adult

I have been through lessons and I saw them clearly

It took learning it repeated times

And I saw

My eyes are open

My ears are burning

Waiting, listening

Yes, I function from feeling

And maybe I should integrate my other abilities

So I have a choice

Keep running as fast as I can, for I know all of the twists and turns

Or slow down and smell the wild flowers and explore the road less traveled

Decisions, Decisions