unworthy

You know what fucking bites?

Feeling unworthy

This past week

I have come up against all of my scary demons

Again and again

Fear of what my parents will think

Oh hi, I forgot you existed

Anger and frustration at my impulsive decisions

I haven’t missed you

Fear of not being enough

You’re getting louder…

Fear of the future

You’re an old friend..

I’m exhausted

Physically sleeping ten plus hours a night

Mentally trying to control anything I can

            There are no winners in that game

Swinging from past to future

I am no longer that girl

I can handle my shit

I smile

Knowing they are all just thoughts

Reels from the past

I laugh at the simplicity of letting go

And the difficulty of surrendering

If we were experts at this life
what fun would that be?