Most people I know are dating people that they know are not their future. Yes, I said that correctly. And some are. My brother, my roommate and a few others to name. So, what about us? The people who are in relationships that we do not see a future with?
I believe, why enter a relationship if you do not see a future? To me, that has always been black and white. As of late, it hasn’t been that easy. It has not been black and white, in fact it has been shades of red, green, purple and a bunch of colors without names.
I went home last week and saw so many people whom I love dearly. I talked to good friends, their parents, my family. I got lots of tidbits of information. The first one being, love isn’t what we expect it to be. That lasting love takes practice, going through peaks and valleys, and building on foundations. I gulped aloud each time. I don’t like that. I don’t like the notion that you could potentially marry anyone you are compatible with and make it work. No, I do not like that at all. Isn’t love supposed to be an unsaid thing? That you feel it so wholly, so entirely, that you refuse to see life without the other? Isn’t it when you compromise not in demise but out of curiosity, compassion and sincerity? Isn’t it when the other person is your best friend, your partner in good times and bad, and your challenger?
I hated the explanation. I don’t know if love can be summarized, or if love is the same phenomenon for all people. So why was I so bothered? I know that people are different. I know that love is not black and white. And I know people love differently. Yet, the explanation stuck to my heart.
Ironically, the guy I have been seeing said the same thing. That love is something to build. That it doesn’t happen overnight. That he was patient with me because he cares. I wanted to prove him different. That I was different. That my love isn’t that way. And now I am stepping back slowly with my head hung low.
All I have known in love is deep, quick, unlasting love. Was it love? I think in a few cases, yes. I felt shattered without the other. And in one case, went into the darkest depression I have ever faced. But all of my relationships have been short, intense and emotion filled. Fireworks, lighting up the whole sky, creating a loud “boom” to just a few moments later to fade into the night sky.
For someone who loves hard, and speaks from the heart, this information is moving. I am looking back with compassion, and feeling all the feelings that come with this realization. Maybe love isn’t what I want it to be, but something that just is.
I do not know, yet I know whatever we chase, will run. I have yearned for love, for connection, for other worldliness emotion and feeling, and here I am, again, looking at my heart. Have I pushed it away? Have I twisted and turned myself in ways that are unnatural to the flow of love?
I am not sure, and I am feeling glimmers of calm. No-thing is to be figured out. Just let it go and it will come.
I went home last week and saw so many people whom I love dearly. I talked to good friends, their parents, my family. I got lots of tidbits of information. The first one being, love isn’t what we expect it to be. That lasting love takes practice, going through peaks and valleys, and building on foundations. I gulped aloud each time. I don’t like that. I don’t like the notion that you could potentially marry anyone you are compatible with and make it work. No, I do not like that at all. Isn’t love supposed to be an unsaid thing? That you feel it so wholly, so entirely, that you refuse to see life without the other? Isn’t it when you compromise not in demise but out of curiosity, compassion and sincerity? Isn’t it when the other person is your best friend, your partner in good times and bad, and your challenger?
I hated the explanation. I don’t know if love can be summarized, or if love is the same phenomenon for all people. So why was I so bothered? I know that people are different. I know that love is not black and white. And I know people love differently. Yet, the explanation stuck to my heart.
Ironically, the guy I have been seeing said the same thing. That love is something to build. That it doesn’t happen overnight. That he was patient with me because he cares. I wanted to prove him different. That I was different. That my love isn’t that way. And now I am stepping back slowly with my head hung low.
All I have known in love is deep, quick, unlasting love. Was it love? I think in a few cases, yes. I felt shattered without the other. And in one case, went into the darkest depression I have ever faced. But all of my relationships have been short, intense and emotion filled. Fireworks, lighting up the whole sky, creating a loud “boom” to just a few moments later to fade into the night sky.
For someone who loves hard, and speaks from the heart, this information is moving. I am looking back with compassion, and feeling all the feelings that come with this realization. Maybe love isn’t what I want it to be, but something that just is.
I do not know, yet I know whatever we chase, will run. I have yearned for love, for connection, for other worldliness emotion and feeling, and here I am, again, looking at my heart. Have I pushed it away? Have I twisted and turned myself in ways that are unnatural to the flow of love?
I am not sure, and I am feeling glimmers of calm. No-thing is to be figured out. Just let it go and it will come.
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