glass

I’m so sorry, I say

whispering

searching his eyes for familiarity

He doesn’t look up

He won’t look at me

His amber eyes stay glued to the dark blue duvet

I sit quietly

Mind a hazy horizon

What way is up?

What is down?

My heart has cracked

It’s physically aching

I look around the room

His scent surrounds me

I feel comforted

I reach for his hand

He doesn’t reciprocate

I look back to his sweet face

He is looking at me

I can see the fear in his eyes

I hear the vulnerability in his voice

He is so beautiful

I knew this before, and I know this now

The way he loves is unlike that I have seen

The way his eyes sharpen when he is concentrating

The way he asserts himself in all confidence that he will succeed

The way his voice softens when he tells me how much he cares about me

He is so beautiful.

And I am here

Wondering, what is the right thing to do?

I care about him, deeply, entirely

I would do anything for him

And the gentle voice is telling me to back up

Take a breather, she says

Slow down

Ground yourself

Who are you right now?

Why are you acting in ways that are no longer you?

Take a step back

I look at him

I tell him I am sorry

Hot tears stain my skin

I am listening to her.

I need to balance on my own for right now, I say

He has grounded me

And I need to ground me