exhale

I wake up
calm
I haven't slept well all week

I feel a body behind me
Oh fuck
I panic

What the fuck is my issue
Timidly, I glance at the arms wrapped
around my waist
Muscular
With bleach blonde hair

I recognize them
how they feel
how they look
their firm hold on me
I take my first breath in over a minute

He moves closer
face in my knotted hair
tracing my bare back
my filled in curves

He pulls me closer
close
has never been
close enough

My mind shoots thoughts recklessly
Am I betraying myself?
Do I want to be touched?
Is this okay with me?
Intuition is waking up
patterns unraveling

I flip over to face him
He is handsome, yes
down right sexy
And things have changed

I study his sleepy face
eyes still slits
sun kisses scattering his nose
I hope someone loves him
as I did

We speak a few words
He pulls me closer
My head on his chest
His fingers in my hair
And I don't feel the need
to be taken care of
I can take care of me